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What is Prostitution?

sugar

Last night, I was wide awake in the middle of the night watching a news special about "SugarDaddies." This is a common phrase in English to describe men who buy expensive gifts for beautiful women, usually much younger, in exchange for "companionship." The women are called "SugarBabies." I think the Russian word for this type of man is "papic," but I'm not sure. In most cases, it's nice jewelry or clothes. Some men are more generous, buying apartments and fancy cars for the women, or paying for their college education. There's a whole website dedicated to this dating theme - http://sugardaddie.com/. Some of the women claim they merely go to dinner or hang out with the men, with no sex involved. We also have an American site for hot women who want to travel the world, and are looking for men to pay for their journeys. A sort of "fuck for vacation" scheme. Look here at the MissTravel dating site https://www.misstravel.com/. Hmm...tempting! :)

In all honesty, I don't understand how these women are any different than prostitutes. Sure, they're not standing on street corners but they're selling their body and sex appeal in exchange for financial rewards. It seems like a very vain and selfish existence to me. People are free to live as they wish, and I believe all forms of prostitution should be 100% legal and regulated. With the advent of the Internet and widespread usage of dating sites like these now, I think the definition of "prostitution" has expanded to include more than old school street walkers.

I know my opinion is in the minority, but I could never be in this sort of relationship, where a man pays for absolutely everything, and my only value is to be attached to his arm, looking pretty. Probably because my parents raised my sister and me to be very self-sufficient. Constant amazement that some men are so seduced by beauty that they're willing to pay thousands of dollars each week for it. What do you think? Are these women engaged in a more socially acceptable form of prostitution? Do you support legalization of the oldest profession in the world? 

Comments

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girlspell
Oct. 3rd, 2014 03:27 pm (UTC)
I'm a libertarian in thought, so I don't care what they do about it. So long as it should be left alone. You can't arrest someone in engaging in sex (or you should not anyway) There is real danger for the women involved, but it's a risk they take. As for sugar daddies, what was that saying? There's a sucker born every minute? Nothing worse then a fool in love. They'll get over it.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 03:37 pm (UTC)
I support legalization mostly for taxation reasons, and the monetary value derived therefrom. Can add a lot of $$ to any State's income. :) Just look at what marijuana taxation has done for Colorado! And, I presume most men like sex much more than pot. Yes, these women are at real risk. I'm even scared to meet random men from online dating sites, but I've done it a few times. Almost all dates were extremely awkward. You can't really feel positive or negative vibes about someone based on an online photo alone.
Money is more important than will!!! - xpo_xpo_xpo - Oct. 5th, 2014 12:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
pasha1980
Oct. 3rd, 2014 03:46 pm (UTC)
About six weeks ago I had a sexual encounter with a prostitute. It was one of the most repulsive experiences of my life. Why did I do it? For several reasons.

1) I wanted to learn the difference between sex with a loved woman and empty sex with someone I don't know.

2) I wanted to get rid of my intergenerational sexual vassana - an ingrained pattern that had made me drool over that prostitute website. I call it intergenerational because my father and his father were sort of creeps, and they passed on some of that creepiness to me.

3) I wanted to distance myself from my girlfriend before going on a healing retreat to Peru, and I knew it was the only way that could make me stay away from her.

Like I said, the sex act was repulsive. I felt like throwing the prostitute off me in the middle of it, but then thought I might as well bring it to completion. The orgasm was akin to any other physiological process our bodies are capable of - like defecation or urination. As she was taking the condom off my penis, some of her vaginal fluid ended up on the tip of my penis, and I felt some pathogenic microflora going up my urinary tract, flooding the prostate first, then going up to the kidneys.

The next day I realized I could have contracted HIV or herpes and called the prostitute asking her if she had had medical check-ups. She said she was healthy, but she was such a poor creature whose life had been full of suffering and abuse that she couldn't afford honesty.

So I tracked her phone number on the internet, did some research and called her mom, telling her I was a doctor from the city STD clinic. I asked her if she was aware that her daughter had HIV. She said she wasn't. I felt uneasy about putting such a load on the poor woman's shoulders, but it was the only way I could find out if the prostitute was healthy. Besides, her mom was only about 40 (the prostitute was 22 and had a child) so I thought she was in a good enough shape to handle the stress. The mother was very upset during the conversation, and I tried to comfort her and told her that she should provide moral support to her daughter and convince her to give up prostitution. "Ah, so there's that, too?" she exclaimed. So her mother did not even know about that harmful occupation her daughter had been engaging in. I really hope that some heart-to-heart communication took place between the mother and the daughter and as a result the daughter has given up prostitution.

Conclusion: prostitution is caused by childhood trauma and lack of support and love from the family and wider society. It stems from misery, and men who pay for the services indirectly encourage and perpetuate this vicious cycle of misery. If you are reading this and thinking of whether you should try having sex with a prostitute, please do not do it for your own sake and for the sake of the woman.

Edited at 2014-10-03 03:51 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:34 pm (UTC)
Did you break-up with your girlfriend, or you're still with her? This last experience with the prostitute sounds horrible, but I thought you had used them before with no problems? "Empty sex," I've never engaged in it in my life and never will. This is why I've been celibate for so long. For me, sex is not purely physical. There must be some emotional or mental connection for me to have any pleasure. Plus, sex too early in a relationship sometimes creates false feelings of emotion and connection to a man who, ultimately, is very wrong for me. I learned this in my 20's. Men can more easily see sex as a purely mechanical act, void of emotional impacts. In general, it's not necessary for me to be in love to have sex, but there must be utmost trust and respect for the man before I spread my legs. :)
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notabler
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:01 pm (UTC)
I don't think that the age of a man matters anything. The same could be in any age, when woman (and sometimes man) going into relationship only because of money or other benefits. I agree that those women or men not much differ with prostitutes but very often any ordinary family doing the same - love is gone, the couple can't stand each other and live together just for children and comfort. Any loveless relationship is kind of prostitution, but I don't want to blame them, we all are sinners. My husband is 18 years older, so he's kind of sugar-daddy too, but I love him so much ))))

peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:19 pm (UTC)
Age - it's just a number. :) It doesn't play any role in my dating life. Most often, I'm in relationships with younger men. This is only because they are usually more adventurous and open-minded, and we share similar passions. If I found this in an older man, then it's okay also! But they are usually more set in their ways and focused on career life. I know your relationship with your husband is strongly based on love, not just financial support. I can tell by the way you write about him in your blog. The love shines through your words. :)
qi_tronic
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:04 pm (UTC)
In this very broad sense marriage is prostitution too.
That is what feminists think.

The naked truth is that people should be attractive to each other in different ways to be together.
Some people are physically attracted some are mentally attracted (share common interests and such).

So the "sugar daddy" case is that when the man is attracted by the woman's physical beauty and she is attracted by his wealth (or, more generally, "success").

There is some inconsistency in our views (mostly caused by christian history, I think) that we should strive to be wealthy but in the the field of relationships it is shameful to be attracted by somebody's wealth.

I support legalization of prostitution though I think that classical prostitution is quite unpleasant and dangerous for women.
Long-term escort relationships is a different matter.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:24 pm (UTC)
I'm not a feminist, so I don't relate to their viewpoint. I think a relationship is give and take. People should provide and contribute, in different ways, to make the union whole. But a relationship based only on beauty can never be genuine. After all, beauty usually fades with age. And then what's left? For me, the mental connection is the most important component. Even an objectively unattractive man can quickly become handsome if he is intelligent, kind and compassionate. At least for me. :) A lot of men are willing to overlook horrible personalities or brainless thoughts in exchange for beauty. At least in the short term. This is how 90% of my single male friends behave. :)
(no subject) - maadmike - Oct. 4th, 2014 09:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
yarowind
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:05 pm (UTC)
>>In all honesty, I don't understand how these women are any different than prostitutes.

You right, not different.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:05 pm (UTC)
Do you support legalization of prostitution, or does this go against your Christian principles?
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a_nimaida
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:12 pm (UTC)
does not fit all, but I think it's not bad.
the rich want to spend, want to close a beautiful woman ... it's okay
many young girls will never be able to travel, they have no money.
   And well "papa" and girls

my husband admitted that he was sorry that he had never had sex with a prostitute))

By the way, men with wealthy women also travel.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:16 pm (UTC)
Why do girls have no money? This is their own lack of ambition. They can get a job, education and earn a living just like a man. Yes, we have rich women in America who have young boy toys. :)) Such women are called "SugarMamas." :) A lot of my male friends have had sex with prostitutes. They say it's much easier than going to bars and trying to pick up a woman. There is no effort involved, and the arrangement with a prostitute is straightforward. Sex is the only thing on the agenda.
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pin_gwin
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:17 pm (UTC)
The participants are very vulnerable while illegal and the phenomena is so ancient to prohibit.
Other aspects are just a matter of personal choices. Some just like living this way. I would rather see them to be a members of certain trade unions, passing safety training, like it's done in Netherlands.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:26 pm (UTC)
I will never forget the first time I walked the Red Light District in Amsterdam, and saw all the prostitutes in the windows! :)
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elena_88888
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:51 pm (UTC)
Not only with Sweetdaddies and Sweetgirls prostitution can be. By the way, you are absolutely right about "papic" :)))
But I can name as prostitution also selling brains for nothing, for black hole, for ex, without speaking about sweetgrannies (I even hardly can guess how to name them) and sweetboys...
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 04:54 pm (UTC)
Yes, there are so many slang words for all these people and sexual relationships. :) Do you know the word "cougar?" This is used to describe older women who seduce younger men. Some of my friends jokingly call me this name. :)
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olgor
Oct. 3rd, 2014 05:26 pm (UTC)

I do support.
And let's be honest and avoid an euphemisms - sex for travel, goods, jewelry, cars, real estate et. is prostitution.
No need to lie yourself to feel better. Don't feel bad from the star.

peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 05:28 pm (UTC)
Almost no women view it as prostitution! ;) But I agree with you! Btw, do you read the blogger inamora? Her whole blog was founded on stories of this type of relationship with an older, married man.
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buddhistmind
Oct. 3rd, 2014 06:39 pm (UTC)
Dear Shannon, thank you so much, it's an important and interesting topic to ponder on. I think in trying to solve this case we should bear in mind the importance of the mode of upbringing and not forget about the social, socio-economical roots of prostitution (let alone the ingrained sexual attitudes and patterns of behaviour). I think most of those women come from quite poor families - in the same manner as strippers, "dancers" and prostitutes. America is a pretty rich society - one of the richest in the world (though still substantial inequality is present). Many young women are brought up in comfortable conditions and prosperity. The rest of the world is not like this. Most women are used to thinking of their looks in terms of the things they can get with them. This is quite true for primitive, archaic societies, as well as for highly industrially developed ones (Russia, China).

Now turning back to our sugardaddy thing. It's quite natural for women to seek financial and "material" things in exchange for their beauty and sexuality. The toughest and richest men get the most gorgeous and beautiful women. This is how the world works.

Prostitution is bad for most women, because it causes them to experience intense stress and feel severe psychological pain. Though the recent studies show that female porn stars are much happier than an average woman (I should define more clearly - the American porn stars and the average American women).
***blogs.discovermagazine.com/neuroskeptic/2012/11/23/are-porn-stars-happier/

Which suggests that the problem with prostitution lies not in the sex itself.

Summing up, I think the cause of the problem, as usual, lies in the social inequality and lack of resources. Women and men will do this, and there is no point in complaining about it unless one is actually doing something to uproot inequality.

Something like this.

There is a great book about the evolutionary/biological causes of such behaviour:
D. Buss. Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between). 2009.

And, of course, the majestic "Sperm wars" is highly recommended:
Robin Baker. Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles. 2006


Edited at 2014-10-03 07:02 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 07:18 pm (UTC)
You write in such perfect and expressive English. :) I understand most of the young women engaged in prostitution come from poor or underprivileged backgrounds, with little professional skills. A lot of them are also drug addicts, looking to support their habits. However, I believe there is always an opportunity to better oneself in life, even if it's only learning some basic work skills. In the U.S., we have community organizations that teach basic professional skills (typing, resume building, etc.) free of charge. So, prostitution is simply an easier way to earn a living for those who don't wish to dedicate the time and effort to increase knowledge and skill set. It requires little effort to make money, although there's significant risk of harm or physical danger, esp. for those prostitutes who work the streets in rough areas. Some educated women also work as escorts. I just had to deal with one through my work today. Look here http://www.lexusdior.com/. A college educated female, selling her body in exchange for a lot of money!! Her rates are on the website - $8500 USD for 24hrs. It takes me much longer to earn that much money, and a lot more brain power. is involved. :))
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fesma94
Oct. 3rd, 2014 07:22 pm (UTC)
Her rates are on the website - $8500 USD for 24hrs (с)

Who will be so dumb man to pay this money? ))) It possible to pay more less for sex )))) Trust me, Shannon )

Edited at 2014-10-03 07:23 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 07:26 pm (UTC)
I don't even think she is attractive! For $8500 I would expect a super model. :) Men do a lot of dumb things when it comes to women and sex! Unexplained mysteries of the universe! :))
mybathroom
Oct. 3rd, 2014 07:42 pm (UTC)
These women surely are prostitutes. I support legalization because that they will have to pass through medical checkup.
They look dishonest for me. I saw prostitutes many times - they used to live in our condominium. One time I saw process of trading. They lined up and a man pointed at one of them, gave money to another one and they drove away. It was at bright day light and it was very shamed and confused.
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 07:51 pm (UTC)
It's not good for kids to see such seedy and scandalous behavior in their home environment. This is another reason for legalization - to limit the areas in which such "business" may be conducted and to regulate it to the greatest extent possible to avoid the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Also, prostitutes should have to pay taxes on their earnings, just like the rest of us working folk. :)
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yacc11
Oct. 3rd, 2014 08:06 pm (UTC)
>I think the Russian word for this type of man is "papic,"
it does not mean absence of sexual relation :) It's just a difference in ages :) Just FYI

> I don't understand how these women are any different than prostitutes. Sure, they're not standing on street corners but they're selling their body and sex appeal in exchange for financial rewards.
First, not all prostitutes stand on the streets :) Second, and the most critical point, they don't sell their bodies. For instance you sell you experience for salary. They do like an actors - sell their emotions that old man can pay for :)

>Probably because my parents raised my sister and me to be very self-sufficient.
Respect for that. I'm the man that has same point of view. But I do not thik that I can judge those women :)

Btw - I have visited Sochi! :)
peacetraveler22
Oct. 3rd, 2014 08:09 pm (UTC)
Some of my male friends have complained about the "experience" of the prostitutes they have used. :) So, quantity does not always equal quality services. :) Sochi! Did you like it there?
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old_perduccio
Oct. 4th, 2014 08:38 am (UTC)
I do agree with you. To abstract it away this is indeed a form of prostitution. Some of these men, though, do indeed believe that it's not their material possessions the sugar babes are after, but their sexual appeal. So in the prostitution per se there's usually no element of deception: the relationship between both sides is purely commercial and no side pretends to be in love with one another. Whereas in the relationship that you've described there's an element of bluff: the sugarbabe does pretend to be in love with her "papik". Some men are vain and gullible, and greying hair doesn't improve their logical reasoning, unfortunately. May be they deserve such a relationship?
peacetraveler22
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:39 pm (UTC)
Men and women are both gullible in love and romance. :) I think it's fine if both people understand the nature of the relationship, but when a woman is having sex with a man in exchange for fancy gifts or vacations only, with no emotions involved, she is a prostitute. I don't know how she could be considered by any other name.
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j1980
Oct. 4th, 2014 09:33 am (UTC)
есть подходящее слово "куртизанки".
peacetraveler22
Oct. 4th, 2014 01:35 pm (UTC)
Да, то же самое слово на английском языке - courtesan.
Yes, the same word in English - courtesan.
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