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About the Date...

Over the past few days, I've received several messages inquiring how my date went. It went well, and there will be another. :) Overall, he left a favorable impression and I will tell you why.

(1) He was polite and respectful to the waiter in the restaurant, saying "hello", "please" and "thank you." Not barking orders or commands, or treating the young server as a "slave" during the meal. This is a good sign of character in my view, and a non-elitist attitude, which is essential for me. We must treat all humans with respect, no matter the gender, social class, ethnicity, etc., until they give us a reason not to. For me, character and manners are of extreme importance, so I watch closely the behaviors and overall demeanor of a man during a first date, particularly how he treats others. As we know, most men are well-behaved toward their date, esp. at the first meeting. :)

(2) He opened the car door for me. Yes, I liked it. It's the sign of a gentleman and good upbringing. Plus, it's very, very rare for any man to do it in the USA. Over time, this would grow boring or even annoying because I would feel helpless if a man reached for my door every single time we went somewhere. However, in the beginning, it's a nice gesture.

(3) He asked A LOT of questions about me. In my experience, a lot of men are egomaniacs, with no foundation or achievements to support their inflated sense of self. They begin a lot of sentences with the word "I", spouting off a long list of things which are immaterial to me in the dating/love equation (their homes, cars, how much money they make). During this date, we talked mostly about EXPERIENCES not THINGS.

(4) He was relaxed and easy to talk to, with a lot of shared interests and passions. So, the conversation went smoothly and was never dull. He never once reached for his iPhone at the table, an amazing feat, for either sex! Of course, we all crave an attractive partner, but looks don't go very far in the long term. You must be able to relate to a person on many levels, not only sexually, if you're going to spend a lot of time with them or be in a committed relationship.

(5) Most important! He followed up the next day with a phone call, not a text or email. I refuse to be in a "virtual" relationship, where me and my partner are communicating mostly via text or Facebook messages. I still value the art of human conversation, and it's amazing how some men can be so charming and interesting in emails, yet in person have absolutely no social skills or charisma. I'm not speaking about general nervousness, which most people have during a first date, but the inability to maintain eye contact or be comfortable in one's own skin.

And, yes, he paid for the meal and I let him, without hesitation. So, you can see, I am in fact quite a traditional woman when it comes to relationships, not a raging feminist as some have accused. :)) There's no reason for excitement or relationship hopes, it was just a first date and it takes many, many encounters and an investment of time to truly understand a person and all their attributes and flaws...each of us has both! The main thing is to meet an interesting person, even if nothing develops romantically.

What do you notice most about a person on a first date, or encounter?

Comments

( 101 comments — Leave a comment )
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saccovanzetti
May. 20th, 2015 05:06 pm (UTC)
4. Of course, we all crave an attractive partner, but looks don't go very far in the long term.

That bad, eh? ;)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:09 pm (UTC)
He was just ordinary looking, but for me strong sexual attraction usually develops over time, rarely at the first instance. Difficult for a man to understand, I know! :)
grand_damme
May. 20th, 2015 05:07 pm (UTC)
his smell !!!
saccovanzetti
May. 20th, 2015 05:08 pm (UTC)
I heard "teeth" before.
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notabler
May. 20th, 2015 05:11 pm (UTC)
That's sounds fantastic, Shannon! I keep fingers crossed. I have a very similar approach to a man on a date. But it's slightly different in UK and former SU. Here such a behavior is quite natural and ordinary (except his interests and range of topics) , in SU I wasn't so lucky. The best of males feels as king, if he brings a bottle of wine and flowers to the date. But, of course, a man always pays in the restaurant.
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:19 pm (UTC)
"males feels as king, if he brings a bottle of wine and flowers to the date..." :)) I don't like men to always pay for me, but in the beginning I don't put up a fuss about it. Equally, I'm not offended if a man offers to split the bill on a first date. I would be happy to pay my share.
(no subject) - mpp181 - May. 21st, 2015 04:17 am (UTC) - Expand
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a_nimaida
May. 20th, 2015 05:16 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:17 pm (UTC)
Yes, he's a very interesting man so far! Let's see how things progress...
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grand_damme
May. 20th, 2015 05:20 pm (UTC)
Вy the way, do you have planned a laboratory testing of his sexual stamina?

Edited at 2015-05-20 05:21 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC)
Not yet...maybe eventually! ;)) He's younger, so his stamina should still be fine!
(no subject) - grand_damme - May. 20th, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
pin_gwin
May. 20th, 2015 05:23 pm (UTC)
Opening car door? O_o... Feels a bit overkill to me.
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:29 pm (UTC)
Over time, it would be extreme overkill but it's okay on the first date. :) In the same way, too many compliments are overkill for me. It somehow seems forced or artificial. I mean, I don't want to be told how beautiful I am, or how blue my eyes are, each day of the week. Somehow the statements lose their impact or value if repeated too frequently. Perhaps I'm strange in this way, because some women wished to worship 24 hours a day. :)))
ms_sh
May. 20th, 2015 05:24 pm (UTC)
It's always good when you find your soul-mate ;)
interesting opinion: "this would grow boring or even annoying because I would feel helpless if a man reached for my door every single time we went somewhere"))))
btw, European men usually don't open doors in contrast of Russian
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:30 pm (UTC)
You don't feel helpless if a man is reaching to do everything for you all the time? Btw, one man I knew became offended because I would not let him push the cart in the grocery store!! :)) For me, it's a red flag and too controlling.
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grand_damme
May. 20th, 2015 05:38 pm (UTC)
What did you wore on your date, provocative gown?

peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:41 pm (UTC)
No, I only dress provocatively in the bedroom, not in public! :)) I wore a simple dress, but didn't expose too much cleavage. My hair was down and in it's natural, wild and curly state. I'm modest, and don't want a man's attention to be too distracted such that he can't focus on my words. ;)
(no subject) - grand_damme - May. 20th, 2015 05:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
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for a feeling of confidence! - grand_damme - May. 20th, 2015 05:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - grand_damme - May. 20th, 2015 05:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - peacetraveler22 - May. 20th, 2015 05:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - peacetraveler22 - May. 20th, 2015 05:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - grand_damme - May. 20th, 2015 05:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - qi_tronic - May. 20th, 2015 06:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - peacetraveler22 - May. 20th, 2015 06:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: for a feeling of confidence! - qi_tronic - May. 20th, 2015 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
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sibir_muzhyk
May. 20th, 2015 05:45 pm (UTC)
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 05:49 pm (UTC)
:))
exnadya
May. 20th, 2015 06:11 pm (UTC)
Dreamm man!
Please, ask him next time in which reservation was he grown!
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 06:14 pm (UTC)
He's only a dream man if this behavior is consistent, and not just for show until he gets me in bed and has his way with me. :)) I've met many men who appeared charming in dates 1 - 3, and then turned into complete nightmares after a few months. So, I'm always cautious and not too hopeful.

Edited at 2015-05-20 06:18 pm (UTC)
lazicka
May. 20th, 2015 06:15 pm (UTC)
While I was single, same things mattered to me. Plus, how tall he is. 'Cause I used to favor high heels :-)
Good luck! Judging by the discription you gave, seems like a nice guy ;-)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 06:17 pm (UTC)
This guy was very short!
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Anna Tairova
May. 20th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC)
Seems like a great date to me!
Did he tell you any things about Russia and his work?
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 06:27 pm (UTC)
Only that he lived in Moscow, and didn't really like it. On this point, we agree. :) He's an engineer, and helped install complex security systems at various governmental organizations/buildings in the country to which he's assigned. Previously, he moved to a different country every 2 - 3 years under his State Dept. contract, but he recently changed positions and will not be in Arlington (my area) long term. That's about it. Mostly we talked about travel, and the different countries in which he lived. I was most curious about his time in Saudi Arabia.
(Deleted comment)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 06:31 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm a lawyer, what do you expect? :)) I must explain all things in detail.
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andrey_kaminsky
May. 20th, 2015 06:41 pm (UTC)
Делу время, потехе час
I think a week or two i'll be in alcohol nirvana, so i congratulate you with the success, existing and future in advance. Maybe later, if i would in the mood, i'll talk about how once i haven't got a boner because i was too drunk. That was a time of student, i was young and inexperienced and therefore i was very worried. Very fun story:)
peacetraveler22
May. 20th, 2015 06:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Делу время, потехе час
I hope the girl was nice to you, and your failed boner. :) It happens, even to the best of men.

Edited at 2015-05-20 06:50 pm (UTC)
elena_88888
May. 20th, 2015 07:28 pm (UTC)
Just before other comments - DID you agree for the second date with him?
peacetraveler22
May. 21st, 2015 02:27 pm (UTC)
Yes, but it will be a long delay before it will happen due to the holiday weekend, and our busy work schedules. :(
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