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Adventures in Online Dating - Part 1

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What surprised me most when I first became a blogger on LJ? All the "experts" who offered unsolicited advice about my psychiatric state, providing a full analysis about how I must be miserable and lonely being a single and childless woman at age 42!  Apparently a lot of part-time therapists read LJ blogs. :) This phenomenon is much more targeted to female bloggers. I rarely see anyone writing comments in the journals of male bloggers questioning why they're not married by a certain age, why they don't have children or critiquing their weight and overall attractiveness level.

However, today, I specifically ask for your advice. :) Recently, I have a sudden and strong desire for male companionship and sex. Despite many bad experiences in the past, I signed up for an online dating site yet again. In general, I'm mostly contacted by very young men (early 20's), or old men (in their 60's)! While age is not really important to me, there are some limitations. First, the guy must be legal such that I'm not arrested for hopping into bed with him. :) In most States, the legal age for consensual sex is 18. Second, the man must be mobile, with the ability to move a lot and not be tied to a demanding career or profession where he spends most waking moments behind a desk or computer screen. To me, an adventurous and open spirit is the most important quality in a companion. Last night, I opened my email and received a message from this smiling guy, age 35, a Foreign Service Officer by profession. Ah, intriguing....

Here's what he has to say about himself in his profile:

"Although I have climbed the highest mountains in Africa, run through Napoleon's battlefields and driven across glaciers in Iceland, I’m still looking for the right person to join me on the next adventure. After seven years of living overseas in the Foreign Service, I recently moved back to the DC area for a longer assignment and am enjoying rediscovering it. Although I crave excitement, sometimes my favorite thing to do is sit at home and listen to good music with a properly proportioned gin and tonic in hand. I’ve been known to cook an elaborate dinner for friends, but often can be caught just eating peanut butter off the spoon. I'm pro Oxford commas and anti pretentiousness. My engineering background can lead to a happy afternoon spent getting greasy under my truck’s engine bay or finessing the latest batch of homemade beer. Giving back to the community is ingrained in me, sometimes it's just shovelling my neighbor's sidewalk but more frequently as a volunteer firefighter and EMT.

Day to day I try to live a responsible life - ethically, environmentally, economically, and I like to believe I’m successful at it. What I am looking for in someone? If you like to spend your Saturday afternoons watching your college's football team play and drinking Miller Light, I'm sure we could find some interesting things to talk about but we might not be a great match. I'd rather go for a hike together, play in a pickup ultimate game, go golfing or check out a random art exhibit to be amazed while cracking sarcastic comments. I'm looking for someone who enjoys exploring and has a sense of humor about all the curve balls life can throw your way. You sit out at the edge of the bell curve, have a sense of wonder and are comfortable in your own shoes. I still ride the back of shopping carts through parking lots. You care about things, but not having things. Hey, me too. Let's go have an adventure together!"


Sounds pretty good, huh? So, we will go have dinner together at the end of the week. A few more photos from his profile, which also caught my eye. I don't like staged or posed pics in dating profiles, but rather shots where people are in natural environments, doing ordinary things. Someone who also loves frozen tundras and taking photos!

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And, he likes to play with cute, furry animals in exotic countries. Or, perhaps he's mentally deranged and is having a conversation with the little beast. :)

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Experience has taught me many things about the modern dating world. Mostly, that a lot of people nowadays wish to communicate only in the virtual world, making themselves sound interesting and dynamic, yet when you meet in person, they have absolutely no ability to communicate or carry on an engaging conversation. A constant itch and mania to pick up their phone and look at yet another selfie posted by someone, read a useless status update, or some other mind numbing article on a website. I'm also guilty of this on occasion, but I'm not afflicted with the constant need to have my iPhone in my hand, or be scrolling through it at all times. I still value good conversation, looking someone in the eye, and taking things slowly so you can truly get to know someone before having sex with them. This avoids false emotions, connections, and attachments, at least for me.

Maybe next week, I'll share my dating profile on here and you can critique it, and let me know if you would date me. :) Until then, wish me luck for this dinner date. What do you think about this guy, based on his profile and photos? I have no expectations, hopes or an agenda. My overall life mentality is to just go with the flow, let things happen naturally, and not get freaked out when life throws one of its infamous curve balls...in life and in dating.

Comments

( 132 comments — Leave a comment )
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seadevil001
May. 13th, 2015 04:03 pm (UTC)
Looks OK for me. Alas, he may be Jason Bourne himself...
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 04:05 pm (UTC)
This profession is so cool! But it's extremely difficult to become a Foreign Service Office. Highly selective process, with a lot of tests, evaluations and interviews. Only the best of the best are selected. This guy actually spent six months on assignment in Moscow.
(no subject) - seadevil001 - May. 13th, 2015 04:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 04:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - seadevil001 - May. 13th, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - south_of_broad - May. 14th, 2015 07:45 am (UTC) - Expand
g_kar
May. 13th, 2015 04:21 pm (UTC)
Good luck and have fun :)
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 04:22 pm (UTC)
Спасибо!
genka8
May. 13th, 2015 04:25 pm (UTC)
He is a fake. He misspelled Miller Lite.
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 04:26 pm (UTC)
Oh, excellent observation! :)) Perhaps he tries to seem down to Earth but is really pretentious...I'll soon find out! Btw, do you drink this horrible beer?

Edited at 2015-05-13 04:42 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - genka8 - May. 13th, 2015 05:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 05:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - genka8 - May. 14th, 2015 07:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 14th, 2015 07:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dmitiry_s - May. 13th, 2015 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 09:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
pin_gwin
May. 13th, 2015 04:46 pm (UTC)
His profession immediately reminded me "Quite American" movie. They look friendly, sure, however they may have professional interests in you.
>>>I'm sure we could find some interesting things to talk about but we might not be a great match.<<<

http://careers.state.gov/work/foreign-service/officer
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 05:26 pm (UTC)
Maybe he's really working for Putin, to interrogate me and understand why I write about Russia and communicate with only Russian speakers here in my blog. :)))
(no subject) - pin_gwin - May. 13th, 2015 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pin_gwin - May. 13th, 2015 05:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - svat_vladimir - May. 15th, 2015 09:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
sineglazzka2301
May. 13th, 2015 05:22 pm (UTC)
Looks good, for an American:)
Btw, what does he mean by "I still ride the back of....." Didn't understand the expression.
Hope you enjoy your date! If he really traveled as much as he claims, you should have a lot to discuss:)
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 05:25 pm (UTC)
You don't find American men attractive? :) I guess I'm an optimist, but I think attractive people can be found absolutely everywhere on the globe, and a lot of them! "I still ride the back of..." This is simply to show that he's a spontaneous, carefree person, and not serious or uptight. I hope the date will be enjoyable, usually I'm very shy in such situations, but it's necessary to force myself to go out more often and take more risks with romance!
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 05:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sineglazzka2301 - May. 13th, 2015 06:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 06:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sineglazzka2301 - May. 13th, 2015 06:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
buddy_z
May. 13th, 2015 05:30 pm (UTC)
You go girl! Keep us posted :)
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 05:35 pm (UTC)
If anything strange or unusual happens, I will share it here. :)
(no subject) - buddy_z - May. 13th, 2015 08:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 08:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - buddy_z - May. 13th, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 08:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
May. 13th, 2015 05:40 pm (UTC)
if u wanna have a sex f*ck my dog his name is Rex
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 05:43 pm (UTC)
I assume you're ashamed by your lack of class and inability to write anything intelligent. It's the reason you posted this comment anonymously, correct?
(no subject) - seadevil001 - May. 13th, 2015 08:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
alexanderr
May. 13th, 2015 05:43 pm (UTC)
what was his average pace when he ran through the battlefields?
and how long is a battlefield anyway
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 05:46 pm (UTC)
I don't know, maybe I should ask him this question when we meet? :) If he ran across glaciers, I would be more impressed and pleased. :)
buddhistmind
May. 13th, 2015 05:43 pm (UTC)
Hey Shannon :) Another great post from you! :)

Now regarding your question... The guys seems to be OK or even (much) better. The thing in his profile that might alert you is no books or book-reading mentioned. You definitely need a guy with high IQ, which inevitably entails "well-readness", erudition, that could only be acquired through reading a lot. You yourself are an intelligent, well-read person and keen reader, as we had had many times seen in the past. Well, just the fact that you speak many languages, including the bizarre Russian :).

Nothing of the like is indicated in the profile... Just the desire to travel and see (not learn) new things... You also have that desire, but the question is: is that enough... And also his training is in engineering and he himself is a kind of a "grease monkey". You know, people with background in engineering, technology, natural sciences often have a very specific kind of world-view and are plainly... uninformed, undereducated in a way (and - consequently - boring). As far as I remember your degree is in English (English literature?) :)...

So, my suggestion is to check the guy's ability to think... Even If he doesn't know much about history, culture etc., but has a swift and flexible mind, is witty and makes you laugh, then he is probably OK and you two could be a great couple :)

Look forward to seeing your profile , though I know ahead of time I would love to date you xD )))

Edited at 2015-05-13 05:51 pm (UTC)
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 06:03 pm (UTC)
Hey! Nice to hear from you again. :) Well, he's a Foreign Service Officer and this demands a certain level of intelligence and curiosity about the world and people in general. People in this position work in all parts of the world in various jobs, sometimes humanitarian, sometimes legal and sometimes high tech jobs and development in foreign lands on behalf of the U.S. government. So, I think he's probably very smart, because it's quite difficult to get this job. :) I only speak English fluently, and know Spanish much better than Russian. This is almost the official language in the USA! :)) Sure, witty mind and the ability to make me laugh are highly attractive qualities in a man. But to me, I really need an open minded, adventurous person who isn't selfish and demanding. I'm too old to be stressed out all the time! "I would love to date you..." I thought you're very young? In your early 20's.
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 06:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 06:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 07:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 07:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 07:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 07:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 08:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 08:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
alexaphysician
May. 13th, 2015 06:02 pm (UTC)
Oh, you're kinda open person! I'd be shameful to say that I actually use Grindr for some occasion ;)

One thing I wanna add about phone etiquette on a date. I personally feel that it is my fault if a person whom I've been trying to engage a clear conversation with looks at the phone all time cause I cannot deliver a strong conversation/connection to a person. Don't you feel same way?
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 06:05 pm (UTC)
Grindr - this is for gay hook-ups. :) The straight version is called "Tinder." I don't use this site, it's mostly for people looking for casual sex or one night stands. This is not my style. I've never had a one night stand in my life. I need to know a person well before I have sex with them. Sometimes I feel the same as you about people checking their phones during conversation, but not often. For many people, it's just a simple habit and unhealthy addiction, the need to feel connected and praised by others at all times, even if such connections are artificial and meaningless.

Edited at 2015-05-13 06:10 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - alexaphysician - May. 13th, 2015 06:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 06:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
theodorexxx
May. 13th, 2015 06:27 pm (UTC)
Oh if I was a woman I'd cry and wish you good luck
Sorry I'm not
Pay attention to these words:
"my favorite thing to do is sit at home with a properly proportioned gin and tonic in hand."
- he might have a drinking problem

"a happy afternoon spent getting greasy under my truck’s engine bay or finessing the latest batch of homemade beer but more frequently as a volunteer firefighter and EMT."
- he has a job and several time-consuming hobbies, will he have enough time for you?
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 06:49 pm (UTC)
I don't need much time from anyone. :) I'm a busy person, and don't demand a lot of attention. I think it's good for people to have separate hobbies/friends in a relationship. You become one in some ways as a couple, but I think it's important to not lose your individuality in the process. Yes, these are the thoughts of an independent American woman. :)
mjol1nir
May. 13th, 2015 06:58 pm (UTC)

Looks not bad. The most important is not to fall in love with him after first meeting. He may be professional hertbreaker! :-)

peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 06:59 pm (UTC)
I don't believe in love at first sight, so don't worry!
theodorexxx
May. 13th, 2015 07:48 pm (UTC)
I think online dating sites are the last hope for sex. Those who sit there are too busy or too shy IRL. And the worst part about online dating sites is that everybody there seeks easy sex but hides it. I think conversations there are like:
- Hi, my name is ***** (maybe I'll be lucky with this one)
- ...................
- What's your profession? (I don't care I just wanna get laid)
- ................................
- Oh you have an interesting job (I wanna have sex with you but not with your job)
- .......................................
- And what's your hobby? (I don't give a fuck I wanna get laid)
- .................................
- Wow, you are such an interesting person ( Stop sending me bullshit and jump onto my cock)
peacetraveler22
May. 13th, 2015 07:55 pm (UTC)
Ha, brilliant! :) I'm not a social person. I never go out with friends, and spend most of my free time with family, thus it's hard to meet new men for potential dating. That's why I went back to online dating. It's just easier, though to a large extent it's a meat market and it takes a lot of time to sift through profiles and emails. It's very easy to screen people though. :) If a man sends some blanket greeting like "hey gorgeous," or "what's up?", I delete. It must be clear they've at least taken the time to read my full profile and understand a little bit about me before contacting.
(no subject) - qi_tronic - May. 13th, 2015 08:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 13th, 2015 09:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - buddhistmind - May. 13th, 2015 09:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - qi_tronic - May. 13th, 2015 09:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - May. 14th, 2015 12:51 am (UTC) - Expand
qi_tronic
May. 13th, 2015 09:49 pm (UTC)
At the first glance I have an impression that he is reserved, with eyes pointing into his mind...
peacetraveler22
May. 14th, 2015 12:54 am (UTC)
This is the personality type I like. I'm not attracted to macho, Type A or aggressive men. They're usually too controlling with inflated egos. So, I will be pleased if he's reserved and an introvert. :)
saccovanzetti
May. 14th, 2015 02:41 am (UTC)
Go only for a guy who will bring you flowers on a first date.
peacetraveler22
May. 14th, 2015 02:48 am (UTC)
This would be great, but it's rare that a man brings flowers on a first date in the U.S. Pity, because I love flowers! Esp. with online dates. People tend to first arrange meeting only for drinks or coffee the first time, very informal. If things go well during the first meeting, a longer and more proper date follows. And a better chance for flowers. :)
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