
When we're constantly surrounded by negative energy, it becomes almost impossible to have calming moments. It's my nature to immediately detach from such situations or people in life, but now it's impossible. I'm staying with my sister, her husband's mother was diagnosed with lung cancer only a few months ago, and now she lies dying in the room beside me. She's been a very negative person her entire life, plagued with pessimism, four husbands have come and gone...I think you can easily see the picture of such a character.
I don't know how to handle this situation, and part of me feels guilty because I have no emotional attachment or connection to this woman, or sadness that she will soon fade away. As an extremely compassionate and loving human being, this feeling of apathy toward a dying person is unsettling. We can't force feelings in life, although many humans attempt to do it for various reasons. Connection - I have none to this woman's mentality or negative disposition. She could have chosen treatment, and in the beginning she did. It helped, but recently there was a downward shift in her attitude, and the cancer quickly returned. I truly believe the energy we project in life, is the energy that is returned to us. All of this hate, negativity, gloom - nothing good can come of it in the end. I compare her to my mom's oldest sister, who died a few years ago from lung issues. Doctors diagnosed her as terminal, yet she lived years after they predicted her death. A positive mind, attitude and light - these can be healing factors, which science and medicine cannot explain. I've seen it many times in life...while negativity, a rotting force from within.
We can't truly know how we would react if we ourselves are suddenly faced with a terminal diagnosis. Yet we will all be there someday, staring mortality in the face. I can't say that I fear death honestly, because my life has already been filled with such love, diverse experiences, adventures and human interactions. I think this is all we can ask for, and while we all have regrets, I try to minimize them by living in the moment, and pursuing dreams to the greatest extent possible. Trying to avoid the dreaded "what if?" questions so many people face in old age...
Have you dealt with a terminally ill friend or relative? How did you help them through the situation and provide some sense of comfort, or hope?
Comments
Edited at 2016-04-15 03:20 pm (UTC)
About energy and willing to live - it's not somebodies personal choice, it's kind of personality, people are born with it, therefore I would not give any judgement on that. If life exhausted any value for a person, why fight to live longer?
Your sister's mother in law - I feel the pain. At least she was mentally capable of making a decision not to prolong the pain to her and her loved ones... Because chances that she wouldn't have gotten better...
Edited at 2016-04-15 07:14 pm (UTC)
Edited at 2016-04-15 08:09 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I am a bitch and such an evil, hate that about myself. And it is interesting, because I say stuff, and then realize, what a bitch I am for saying this, but it seems like i can't help myself.
Never had to take care of anyone dying, but had to take care of disabled kid and it was heartbreaking. she is my sister and looking at her and knowing that she will never graduate, or speak, or talk like a human - it is very hard.
Recently I was hit in my stomach by the foot of the 102 y.o. female patient during the sonogram test I gave her. It was really painful because I never expect such type an action.
The nurse who saw it told me to call the hospital police and sue the patient. (probable because the patient did so or try to do the same many times) But I refused. Not for me to sue the very sick 102th.
“Мой дядя самых честных правил,
Когда не в шутку занемог,
Он уважать себя заставил -
И лучше выдумать не мог;
Его пример другим наука,
Но, Боже мой, какая скука
С больным сидеть и день, и ночь,
Не отходя ни шагу прочь!
Какое низкое коварство
Полуживого забавлять,
Ему подушки поправлять,
Печально подносить лекарство,
Вздыхать и думать про себя:
Когда же чёрт возьмёт тебя!”
Nabokov's translation (not the most poetic, but very literal - try to read the original if you can):
My uncle has most honest principles:
when taken ill in earnest,
he has made one respect him
and nothing better could invent.
To others his example is a lesson;
but, good God, what a bore
to sit by a sick man both day and night,
without moving a step away!
What base perfidiousness
the half-alive one to amuse,
adjust for him the pillows,
sadly present the medicine,
sigh - and think inwardly
when will the devil take you?