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Relationships, Sex and Power


Today I discovered the blogger inamora, a young girl writing about her affair with a much older married man. I don't judge anyone and my position on sex is clear. Consenting adults can fuck whom they choose - a married person or even someone of the same gender. In the end we answer for own choices in life, not the choices of others. As I read through her posts, I realized we have completely different views on men and relationships. What a woman wants from a man in her early 20's is often very different than her late 30's. But she got me thinking about sex, relationships and power.

To my knowledge, none of my ex-boyfriends cheated on me. There haven't been that many - I've loved two men my entire life (both when I was in my 20's) and seriously dated only a few others. I suppose it's possible one of them cheated and I had no clue? If I became aware of the situation I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive and move forward. I said in this post that forgiveness is a great human trait, but not one that I always possess. Maybe I would accept it and move on. After all, rational thinking and reason are sometimes thrown out the window when you're madly in love or lust.

©Associated Press
Few women have experienced the humiliation of infidelity on the scale of Hillary Clinton. Imagine, your husband is getting blowjobs from a young intern under the Presidential desk and the whole world knows about it! At the time, many questioned why an intelligent powerhouse like Hillary would stay with Bill after the scandal. I wondered the same, but have always recognized that human relationships are complex. In my early 20's I lived with a man for several years and many times couldn't stand the sight of him. Yet I stayed because there was some strange, indescribable connection with this person. I'm not saying it's a healthy way to live, but I think most have been in similar situations. We parted after four years. The biggest heartbreak in my life. But time - it's the great healer and we're now friends. He will marry a wonderful woman next month and I'll be at the wedding.

Today Hillary is in the news because she finally established a Twitter account. This sent the U.S. media into a frenzy, and many are wondering if it's a sign she will run for the presidency again in 2016. Her Twitter profile describes her as "wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids' advocate, U.S. Senator, Secretary of State, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado...TBD." It's the last part - TBD (to be determined) - that peaked the media's interest.

Is America ready to elect a female President? I'm not sure, but I hope it happens in my lifetime. Women already hold many powerful positions in corporate America, but on the political front there's still room for improvement. I don't believe any person should be elected to Office based on gender alone, but they also should not be excluded for this reason. So perhaps history will be made in 2016 and America will welcome its first female President. Or maybe Russia will beat us to it? I don't know how active women are in the current Russian political or corporate scene. I still think of Russia as being a sort of chauvinistic society. Personally I'm tired of looking at Putin running around shirtless doing "manly" things like shooting guns. This is the image he projects in the international media and I find it absurd. I read he's single again, so maybe a young vixen will snatch him up! Power, after all, is the ultimate aphrodisiac for some.


And on the relationship front, well I don't really know what to say about it. I've been single for over five years. I can hardly believe it myself, but the reasons are mostly clear to me. I get so many messages from men seeking answers and explanations. These exchanges become mind numbing at a certain point. The same questions are always asked:

Why am I not married at my age?
Why don't I have children?
And  my favorite! - How can I be happy and fulfilled without a man? It's a completely foreign concept to some people. I wonder if female readers are writing to single male bloggers asking them the same questions? I doubt it.

There's no simple answer to any of the questions, and I don't feel the need to explain myself. I've never been the type of woman jumping from man to man, instead preferring to live in my own little cave. I'm friendly to all, but few people know or understand me well. I've always had a loner type personality, which of course leads to loneliness at times. But you also can grow very comfortable and content in solitude. When the right person comes along, I'll certainly take the chance of disrupting my calm soul for the possibility of pure love and passion. One day, I'll find  my Neruda as one of my readers once told me. :) It's a reference to one of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda, who wrote this beauty:

I love the handful of the earth you are.
Because of its meadows, vast as a planet,
I have no other star. You are my replica
of the multiplying universe.

Your wide eyes are the only light I know
from extinguished constellations;
your skin throbs like the streak of a meteor through rain.

Your hips were that much of the moon for me;
your deep mouth and its delights, that much sun;
your heart, fiery with its long red rays,

was that much ardent light, like honey in the shade.
So I pass across your burning form, kissing
you - compact and planetary, my dove, my globe.
See, I'm a hopeless romantic after all! :)

Best of luck to inamora in love and the blogosphere. And to each of you, as even the best relationships are sometimes challenging and complicated.



( 91 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jun. 12th, 2013 03:43 am (UTC)
Why am I not married at my age?
Why don't I have children?

it's what Russian employers ask young women seeking a job in their companies, during an interview :P I've never known the answer for this kind of questions that doesn't sound silly or like tries to excuse. But every time people ask these questions, I feel like they mind I should feel ashamed or something, but honestly I don't understand why I'd feel like that only because I don't match their view of how a young woman should live. Weird...

Edited at 2013-06-12 03:45 am (UTC)
Jun. 12th, 2013 03:59 am (UTC)
Are you serious? Such questions are asked in job interviews? In the U.S., they would never be directly asked for fear of discrimination lawsuits. I'm a lawyer - I know. :) Ashamed? In my mind, it's more shameful to be married or have kids simply for the sake of appearances or because it's the societal norm. So, continue to live your life shame free and wait for the right person. :)
(no subject) - daftmosquito - Jun. 12th, 2013 06:11 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - g_kar - Jun. 12th, 2013 12:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
In any case it's not good for employer - xpo_xpo_xpo - Jun. 13th, 2013 03:51 am (UTC) - Expand
My wife has just won a suit... - xpo_xpo_xpo - Jun. 13th, 2013 03:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: My wife has just won a suit... - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 13th, 2013 04:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: In any case it's not good for employer - g_kar - Jun. 15th, 2013 06:49 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - g_kar - Jun. 15th, 2013 06:55 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - tro_ololo - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - inamora - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 03:57 am (UTC)
" I don't know how active women are in the current Russian political or corporate scene."
In Russia there are no women politicians, there is only a parody of them.
Jun. 12th, 2013 06:54 am (UTC)
Well it's true to the extend that Russian politics is a joke by itself.
(no subject) - g_kar - Jun. 12th, 2013 12:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 04:03 am (UTC)
Why am I not married at my age?
Why don't I have children?

Jennifer give us some credits please. :) Russian society is at the beginner stage yet. We still have to go a long way to the true feminism. These questions you were asked are just post-effect of decaying patriarchal society. I wish it goes away faster, but the trend make me feel happy. Looking forward to the future with optimism. :)
Jun. 12th, 2013 01:45 pm (UTC)
"Jennifer?" My name is Shannon! Typical man, forgetting things. :)) But I'll forgive you because you're usually quite charming and reasonable in your comments. Btw, when you first came to the U.S. what did you think of American women? Are they different from Russian women, or the same?
(no subject) - olgor - Jun. 12th, 2013 10:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jun. 12th, 2013 05:12 am (UTC)
It would be interesting to know if there are any "Western" ladies engaged in this kind of relationships, as described in that blog. With 20 years older married man, who pays her living expenses and everybody's happy, including his wife:)

As for Russian politics, the country was already headed by Empress during arguably its most prosperous times, in late 18th century. And the USSR regime was quite pro-feminist too. What we see now is a modern phenomenon, resulting from a creeping "easternisation" of society imho.
Jun. 12th, 2013 01:48 pm (UTC)
Yes, I know about older female leaders but I was asking about the current political scheme. Of course many "Western" women are engaged in this behavior, including some of my friends. Some women simply want a man to take care of them financially, buy them nice things, take them on trips, etc. And some men just want a pretty young woman on their arm. So, it's a win win for everyone (well except the wife who usually has no clue about the mistress, or sometimes knows and doesn't care because she's with her husband for the same reasons).
(no subject) - descolorio - Jun. 12th, 2013 10:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
Probably we are too democratic :) - xpo_xpo_xpo - Jun. 13th, 2013 03:55 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 05:21 am (UTC)
Well, I don't think that while Putin is alive, there will by any other president than he or Medvedev :-) Unless there is a bloody revolution. Any notable opposition politicians are all men anyway. Look what happened with LGBT protest in Moscow today - that country is in the stone age...

In US there can possibly be Hilton or someone else down the line, why not? Thatcher was in the 70-s. As long as the president is elected on basis on merit and gender has nothing to do with it - it truly doesn't matter what gender a president is. The problem is that I think Obama was elected in part because he is black - there is a strong guilt complex about the past in US and it moved people. As much as I dislike him (not on the basis of his skin colour - I couldn't care less about it) it is a great achievement by itself, to elect a president who doesn't represent country's racial majority - I don't think any democratic country could do it so far. However in a truly free and equal society race or gender should not matter at all - there shouldn't be any discrimination, negative or positive. Overblown political correctness and positive discrimination, better chances of being promoted or elected because of one's race or gender are absurd. It will get people nowhere.

That said, after Obama I'm sure Americans are morally ready to elect a woman president, which is a good thing. Hillary's not making a good impression as a politician though... I'm going to go on a limb an quote my friend's very politically incorrect joke from a decade ago: I hope you won't end up with a handicapped black lesbian woman president, because that's what ultimate positive discrimination will lead you for :-) It should be a capable and strong president instead, other things do not matter at all, whatever they are.
Jun. 12th, 2013 06:31 am (UTC)
Bloody vatnik revolution7 No way!
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 13th, 2013 12:33 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - moebiuscat - Jun. 13th, 2013 12:48 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - qi_tronic - Jun. 12th, 2013 09:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 06:42 am (UTC)
Напишу по-русски (автор блога разрешила), потом постраюсь перевести с Гуглом...
Я считаю что женщины в политике это плохо (я говорю про русских женщин, других не знаю)... Ну не женское это дело. Политика противоречит основам женственности (в хорошем смысле)... Я долго не могла понять и сформулировать для себя вот это свое чувство... Сердцем понимала, что женщинами нельзя политикой заниматься, но аргументировать не могла.. Недавно поняла и нашла один железный аргумент. Женщина не должда заниматься политикой хотя бы потому, что у нее бывает ПМС (Предменструальный синдром)... Все мужчины знают, что это такое.. Это страшно.. А для политика - недопустимо, опасно и разрушительно... )))

I will write in Russian (author of the blog allowed), later I will make translated by Google
I think that women in politics is bad (I'm talking about Russian women, others do not know) ...
Well, it is not a woman's business.
Policy is contrary to the fundamentals of femininity (in a good way) ...
Long time I could not understand and articulate my feelings to myself ..
I felt that women should not be involved in politics, but I could not prove .. to substantiate

recently I found an iron argument. The woman should not do politics, if only because she can be in PMS (premenstrual syndrome) ...
All men know what it is .. It's scary .. And for a politician - is unacceptable, dangerous and destructive ... )))
Jun. 12th, 2013 12:45 pm (UTC)
Да вообще простые люди не должны на политику влиять, чо уж там.
Великий Вождь, Отец и Хозяин всяко лучше знает, что нам надо.
(no subject) - chanceux_n - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tro_ololo - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - chanceux_n - Jun. 12th, 2013 01:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - chanceux_n - Jun. 12th, 2013 04:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - chanceux_n - Jun. 12th, 2013 04:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 07:08 am (UTC)
Well, interesting topic! :) It's great that you're happy with your life and generally if you would decide to end being alone, you're in a good position. As a lawyer you might be surrounded but rich men. As a traveler you might be able to travel with somebody romantic. And as a blogger you might find many men who would be happy to send you copy of some love poetry etc :))
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:17 pm (UTC)
Well I hope I don't end up being alone. It' not my life goal for sure! Rich men, I don't care about money. To me the most important things are creativity, kindness, open-mindedness and an adventurous spirit.
Jun. 12th, 2013 07:26 am (UTC)
.. I like the girl from the top picture. lol
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Anyway,
That's all you have to say? :)) I'm glad you liked it.
Re: Anyway, - evg115 - Jun. 12th, 2013 08:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Anyway, - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 12th, 2013 09:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 07:34 am (UTC)
Power, after all, is the ultimate aphrodisiac for some.
- Power and money are ultimate aphrodisiacs for women around the world)
hopeless romantic
-great value!

Edited at 2013-06-12 08:55 am (UTC)
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:05 pm (UTC)
To me power and money mean nothing. I'm surrounded by suits all day, corporate leaders, male partners in my law firm. Most are egomaniacs. For me, there's absolutely no attraction to this type of personality. I don't need a man to support me, I'm a lawyer and make plenty of money on my own. Perhaps if I was living in some American ghetto or shitty Russian province I'd have a different attitude, but luckily this isn't the case.
Jun. 12th, 2013 10:30 am (UTC)
Will America welcome the first gay President some day ?.

Edited at 2013-06-12 10:33 am (UTC)
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:08 pm (UTC)
It's an interesting question - which will come first. I'm almost certain America will elect a female before a homosexual (esp. a gay man). But, there are some openly gay members of Congress, gay governors, etc. in America.
(no subject) - qi_tronic - Jun. 12th, 2013 09:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(Deleted comment)
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:09 pm (UTC)
She's beautiful! It's strange that his now ex-wife was rarely in the public eye. American First Ladies are very much in the media, for better or worse.
Jun. 12th, 2013 01:01 pm (UTC)
>Is America ready to elect a female President? I'm not sure, but I hope it happens in my lifetime.
I'm pretty sure it will. USA is a good example of gender equality.

>This is the image he projects in the international media and I find it absurd
I think it's not so absurd, as this image isn't mainly intended for "us". It's main reason is to show Putin's inner circle (and to himself, too) that he's an alfa-dog in charge. Sadly, the more he stays czar, the more he behaves like mafia boss, and that includes such machismo.
Jun. 12th, 2013 02:10 pm (UTC)
He is the poster child for "alpha male." But in fact many in the global media mock these absurd photos and make parodies of them.
(no subject) - g_kar - Jun. 15th, 2013 06:57 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 05:47 pm (UTC)
Almost all womens, that I know, have completely no interest in political life. So, I don't think, that Russians will have a female president. :)

No offence, but I don't like female politicians, because they are not women. They are "mеn in a skirts". Take a look at Margaret Thatcher or Condoleezza Rice: stone-cold predators, ready to swallow you. I can't sympathize such people.
Jun. 12th, 2013 06:10 pm (UTC)
"stone-cold predators, ready to swallow you" :) Condoleezza Rice is actually very artsy, a trained pianist. And both her and Hillary were often smiley in their roles as Secretary of State. Maybe female politicians in Russia have a colder demeanor. I would not consider our female politicians "men in skirts." Some of them are quite glamorous and use this sex appeal to their advantage.
(no subject) - nar_row - Jun. 12th, 2013 06:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 12th, 2013 10:03 pm (UTC)
To support the romantic theme :)

This is one of the most touching Soviet cartoons: The Nutcracker.
And you will not need any translation.
It's just music.

www. youtube. com/watch?v=GThJ26BlBb0
(remove spaces)
Jun. 13th, 2013 12:37 am (UTC)
The YouTube video is not available in the U.S., strange.

Edited at 2013-06-13 12:38 am (UTC)
(no subject) - qi_tronic - Jun. 13th, 2013 07:26 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - peacetraveler22 - Jun. 13th, 2013 12:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - qi_tronic - Jun. 13th, 2013 12:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 13th, 2013 12:17 pm (UTC)
BTW, here is another link for you as we are talking about diversity.

This guy was the most famous black man born in the Soviet Union :)
And now he lives somewhere in your area.

rianovosti. com/analysis/20130611/181603045/Jim-Patterson-Black-Soviet-Icons-Lonely-American-Sojourn.html

Jun. 13th, 2013 01:47 pm (UTC)
Cool! And yes he's right here in Washington. It's a pity he doesn't speak good English because I'd contact him and write a story on his life if he was willing. The whole time I was in Russia I saw maybe five black people.
(no subject) - qi_tronic - Jun. 13th, 2013 01:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
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