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Spank Me!

spanking (1)

Nothing irritates me more than unruly children in public. I don't mean children who are simply crying or throwing temper tantrums, but those who continue to behave as monsters while the parents sit by and do nothing, or attempt to discipline them in a non-authoritative manner. Saying phrases like "Oh, honey behave," "Don't do that," etc., when such words clearly have no corrective impact on the child's bad behavior. As a kid, I was spanked. Common for my generation, and I would assume most people my age received a whipping from their parents. In my household, it was always my father, and never with his hand. He would sit me down, explain why I was being disciplined, and then give me a few belt lashings. Nothing severe or overly painful, but I knew why I received the spanking and sometimes felt shame afterward for my behavior. Is it a bad thing to make children feel shame? I think not, but some are of the view that spanking creates adverse psychological impacts and creates damaged adults.

Now we have a new generation of kids who are being disciplined in a different way with "time-outs", prohibitions on i-Pad usage, etc. rather than a hand to the ass. Is it working? Hmm..well, I don't really think so. Upcoming generations are a new breed, where they have been praised and coddled in all facets of life since birth. In sporting events for the young in America, all kids receive trophies for merely participating. How does this encourage motivation or hard work?

Interestingly, 19 States still permit teachers and principals to spank students (Iowa, Wyoming, Colorado, Arizona, Texas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Montana, Arkansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina). In 1980, 45 States allowed this version of corporal punishment, so there is a definite trend away from spanking. In some countries, like Sweden, there are laws banning parents from using corporal punishment, even in the privacy of their own home.

How do you discipline your child? Is it okay to spank?

Related Story

Living Child Free
aidan

Comments

( 124 comments — Leave a comment )
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pro100_petrov
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:18 pm (UTC)
>19 States still permit teachers and principals to spank students
O, my god. Do they really spank kids? May be this permition no longer exists in practice.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:20 pm (UTC)
They are allowed to by law, but do they actually do it? I'm not sure. I don't like the idea of teachers or parents spanking kids. In my mind, such action is reserved only for parents in their own discretion.
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(Anonymous)
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:36 pm (UTC)
one thing
Why do those proper parents stop spanking when children become adults? Oh, maybe they're afraid to be beaten back?..
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:49 pm (UTC)
Re: one thing
In some ways, you're right. Power has shifted to the kids, particularly with spanking. Some parents are scared to be reported for abuse and this prevents them from engaging in the behavior. But I don't consider a slap on the ass to be abuse. The dilemma is where to draw the line, how hard is too hard? Is it worse to hit with your hand, a belt or twig? A lot of grey area.
fesma94
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:43 pm (UTC)
Spank ? No way! Today it is better to disconnect internet as punishment )))) It's works!!!!!
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:45 pm (UTC)
You're right. It works for almost all kids, including my nephew. The threat of not having his i-Pad for an evening sends him into a complete panic. I guess parents today have a lot more options. When I was a kid, there was no Internet. We played in the dirt, on bikes, in the yard...not the virtual world.
fesma94
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:51 pm (UTC)
I think that our childhood , without comp games and internet was more better.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:53 pm (UTC)
On this point, I 100% agree!! Technology and the Internet is great for progress, knowledge, global communication, etc. but there are many downsides. They have definitely damaged interpersonal skills and dramatically changed the way humans interact.
murika
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:56 pm (UTC)
I can easily slap my daughter in case of aawfuul behavior. It is usually enough to make her ashamed. She starts to cry and ask me: "Mommy, what face are you having? Angry? Don't be angry, be glad!" She is three-year-old. However, it happens rarely, usually increasing voice is enough.
Some time ago we also forced her to do something against her will (pushing her to the car, for example) using physical power. I also forced her to wash her nose by salt water when she became sick, and blablabla, things like these. But it made her really unhappy, and she stared to fight with me after this. It took a long time (weeks, months) to fix her behavior after even singular case.
That is why now we try do not force her without emergency necessity. Even though I think it is important for child to know his or her confines, I saw that physical enforcement made more negative than positive effects in case of my daughter. She always understands the necessity and the reasons, but she starts to act against me if I am forcing her. I can only to convince her; I have to be wider. Otherwise, I'll teach her to achieve goals by forcing others.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 04:01 pm (UTC)
Thanks for sharing your experience! All children are unique, and different personalities require different disciplinary measures. I don't think spanking should be the first option, but I see nothing wrong with having it in your arsenal. When I was a kid, I used to challenge my parents by holding my breath. It was my version of a temper tantrum. :) My mom would panic when my face turned red, and my dad would simply tell her to let me pass out, because he knew I would never take it that far. :))
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buddhistmind
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:57 pm (UTC)
I would Love to spank you! :)

(sorry, can't help writing this comment!).
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 03:58 pm (UTC)
:)) This is the topic of another post!
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andrey_kaminsky
Jul. 15th, 2014 04:17 pm (UTC)
За одного битого двух небитых дают
I use this method of education, very rare of course and only because of its great rapidity, reliability and efficiency. Unfortunately, i don't have enough talent or pedagogical education to abandon belt punishment completely:( Other methods require much more knowledge, time and patience. I'll be more kind with my grandchildren, it's our family tradition. My father is a lot kinder to grandchildren than hi was with me. Now he does not worry, if homework is done or not:)
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 04:57 pm (UTC)
Re: За одного битого двух небитых дают
How old are your kids? Aidan (my nephew) has his grandparents wrapped around his finger. Spoiled rotten! I believe this is family tradition throughout the globe - grandparents are given special permission to be easier on grandchildren than their own offspring. Brings them some type of special joy. My grandparents are all deceased now, and I really miss this relationship. :(
phd_paul_lector
Jul. 15th, 2014 04:35 pm (UTC)
In our family spanking is not and never was used - at least even my grandparents, at the most, slapped kids when angry, which was not spanking (for me spanking is a somewhat prolonged action which needs some preparetion, at least "young man, please come over and get on my lap" or, like in the old days, that was a rite after the Saturday steam-bath wgen all the sins were remembered an repented). That slapping, on the opther hand, was a quick stroke under the effect of momentum.

Yet, I (who never was spanked apart from the above occasional slaps) do believe that there are some acts which SHOULD be punishable physically, and even not by spanking like on that photo above but by something like birching. That would be a very, very serious end therefore absolutely exclusive measure. Exempli gratia, for assaulting, intentionaly and maliciously, an obviously weaker kid. Or, some kind of a very dirty trick (again, an intentional and malicious one) which got someone else into a major trouble. Once again, a corporal punishment should be an absolutely exclusive thing, but it should be used in those exceptional cases. Not for bad marks at school or small childish pranks. In those latter cases, deprivation of pleasures (Internet, TV, games and etc.)

Now then, I also do believe that a corporal punishment could be used to adults, too. You know, there are some people who would not be corrected by any fines or detention. But a birching (perhaps public) could do the job, I think.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:17 pm (UTC)
Birching? I think this is a Russian thing, I had to look it up online to see what it is. :)) Slapping a child out of anger is not the same as spanking as a disciplinary measure, which you correctly note. I can't envision a future where adults will ever be birched or experience any type of corporal punishment, esp. in public. Today most kids have more material things and pleasures than we did as children, so I agree deprivation of these items should always be the starting point. It works for almost all children (at least in my family), but not all.
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sineglazzka2301
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:09 pm (UTC)
My personal opinion is that spanking is applicaple only for very small children who sometimes understand tactile language better then verbal. And only on the spot, never afterwards or after a lecture. And only by hand, never using any other device. As an example: I often found that it was more effective to slap one of my girls on the curious hand or a naughty kicking leg, than to redundantly explain why they should not do this. Till the age of two or three, I think. Since they learned how to talk, I never slapped any of them (though I sometimes want to slap my elder 12-years old daughter on her lips when she is being rude to me and doesn' understand she's rude, just to form reflexes:)))). I thing that spanking as a punishment, especially with a belt or something is awful and useless. Maybe I am just a happy mom with good girls. My younger (now 8 yrs old) was never the one for tantrums (I really can't remember when I seriously had reason to be angry with her), she behaved angelically in public since she turned one. The elder can be rude, lazy or cheating, but I never really thought of physical punishment for her.
I don't like bad-behaving and spoiled children, but I think it's entirely their parents' falt, so I am more irritated by such parents than by children.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:27 pm (UTC)
My sister and I were also good girls! :) My parents rarely had to discipline us. I never did the things some teenagers do - sneak out at night, drink alcohol, run around with bad boys, or other mischievous endeavors. As a toddler, I was happy, cheerful and very social according to my parents. I would speak to anyone. This is strange because now I'm a complete loner and rarely social. You're right that the sense of annoyance with misbehaved children should be directed to the parents who ignore such behavior. I feel the same, some people simply should not reproduce but unfortunately we can't control who populates the planet. :) My nephew is like a dream child also, but he does test boundaries on occasion. He's smart and knows how to push his parent's buttons.
notabler
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:23 pm (UTC)
My parents spanked me, my father used for that his belt, slippers and if he was very angry, just bare hand, smacked across my face until age 15, I believe. I hated him for that and don't think it made any good for me, I just became more rebellious and nasty. But I also spanked my son, because I never had a husband and I needed to be the mother ans the father in once.
Most interesting explanation for this matter gave me sometimes my little (4 years old) niece, when we watched a movie with very nasty girl, she said: "She have to get some beating". I noticed, that she wasn't be able sometimes manage her tantrums and a little spank just calmed her down and helped her to switch over to something positive much easier
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 06:58 pm (UTC)
I don't think a smack across the face is acceptable in any case, and especially not out of anger. In my mind, this is not done to correct the child but demean and degrade them. A simple smack of the butt, hand or leg should be sufficient, and I think only with small children. Never at 15 years of age do I think it's okay to hit a child, unless it's for self-defense. I respect you so much for being a single mom, especially to a son with disabilities. This must have been a very challenging experience.
moebiuscat
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:25 pm (UTC)
I'm torn on this issue. Generally I'm against spanking kids, but unfortunately I myself do this sometimes when my girls (3 and 7) are for example blatantly doing something they know is prohibited or just has been prohibited a moment ago. Rebellion should be countered with authority. Only by open hand to lower back, once or twice, not too strong. I try not to do this, as it means all other means are exhausted and we as parents failed and have to resort to spanking. Not a good feeling. But sometimes it has to be done, unfortunately.

I was only spanked as a kid maybe a couple of times, but I was very well behaved and there was no need. I feared most to disappoint my parents and their disappointment was the worst punishment. Seems not to work with my kids...

Come to think of it, it didn't happen for a long while with my 7 year old. She's much better now in terms of challenging authority and responds to other punishment if it comes to that. However I Still shout at her from time to time, and I'm against that as well... This also means I have failed with proper methods if I have to resort to shouting.

What's important is to keep balance of good and bad interaction. If most times you interact with kid is shouting, punishment etc. - it will end badly. Good always has to outweigh the bad. I always find time to hug and kiss, try to never refuse any help, tell good things when I can. Hope it works out.
moebiuscat
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:29 pm (UTC)
So to sum up: if you're doing everything right, there should be almost no need to spank a kid. Unfortunately nothing usually is ideal in this life, so I resort to it as a last resort, almost never for the older girl, and as said - always right away at the spot and with explanation - never afterwards.
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maryasha_b
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:37 pm (UTC)
My parents also spanked me, but I don't think I ever deserved it. I was rather gentle and shy girl, surely misbehaving now and than, but nothing terrible. Spanking was very much common in my father's family and that is what he would do instead of negotiation. I still cannot forgive my parents for that: cannot forgive my dad for using force and cannot forgive my mom for not stopping him.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 07:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, sounds like a horrible experience. Sorry for this. :( The manner in which my father did it was never forceful, in fact it was gentle on the rare occasions it happened so I can't claim any ongoing psychological impacts from being spanked. I think what matters most is that the child understands it's being done as a disciplinary measure, not out of anger or resentment. Btw, nice to hear from you again. :)
leo_sosnine
Jul. 15th, 2014 05:52 pm (UTC)
Depends on child. My children can be pretty easily controlled by various restrictions. But sometimes I see other children that certainly ask for more severe treatment.
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 07:16 pm (UTC)
What type of restrictions? The young kids in my large family are usually controlled by deprivation of electronics or toys, but I had one young cousin who would throw the most horrid temper tantrums sometimes. Screaming, kicking, even throwing his fists in the air such that your face could accidentally be punched at any moment. In times like this, no threat of deprivation worked, but a stern slap on the butt usually caused his dramatic behavior to cease.
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e_g_o_r_i_u_s
Jul. 15th, 2014 06:10 pm (UTC)
Shannon, you're so good in inventing controversial topics for an interesting discussion!

First, I wanted to say that I cannot imagine that the state prohibits me spanking my kids by law, as spanking was common in my family, and also, if a kid behaves bad in public and its behaviour ought to be corrected immediately (no time for persuasion, bargaining), then spanking seems to be a kind of an urgent measure.

But then I thought deeper and remembered how unhappy I was after being spanked. It was not cruel or too painful but rather shameful and abusive, especially when mother agressively slapped my lips after I have said something not decent (of course, that happpened). My parents knew how to frighten me, and not spanking itself was so undesirable but sense that thay can do anything to me, and after such executions I was not "taught" in a better sense, but just full of fear that the next time there will be something worse. In the end, that led to huge distrust to parents from my side, and since my adolescence they knew almost nothing about my life, and still do.

So, I believe the evil is not spanking but a break of that thin thread between parents and a child (which can be a result of not necessarily a physical action).

...And Shannon, sorry for saying this, but I also would love to spank you thoroughly (Hope that sounds not insulting. :) )
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 07:29 pm (UTC)
First, thanks for your compliment and I actually don't mind being spanked in the bedroom. But this is a topic for another post. :)) In America, it is considered a Constitutional right for parents to raise their children as they see fit. Of course, this is constantly being judicially challenged. You can look here for some case examples - http://www.parentalrights.org/index.asp?SEC=%7B3051ABFF-B614-46E4-A2FB-0561A425335A%7D. A lot of times the State or other parties challenge parents actions, particularly when it comes to health and medical issues where the child's parents are overly religious and refuse treatment or medicine. When the child's life is at risk, sometimes Courts intervene, but not always. I wrote a post about this topic, which arose last year in the Amish community - http://peacetraveler22.livejournal.com/45451.html.

My spanking was never aggressive or abusive, and had no impact on my parental relationship. If you read my blog, you know family is the most important thing to me, I still see my parents almost every weekend and am really close to them. Maybe this is why I have a different view on the issue.
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qi_tronic
Jul. 15th, 2014 08:19 pm (UTC)
I spanked my son by hand very rarely when he was 3 or something.
And I think I was able to make an impression that I would go as far as it needs to stop him if he behaves bad.
Now he understands words :)
peacetraveler22
Jul. 15th, 2014 08:29 pm (UTC)
I don't know if parents spank boys more easily than girls, but I'm sure there's some study out there about it. Main thing is that your son learned there are consequences for his actions or inactions, so the mission was successful.
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